Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i love accidental penises.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i think i just lost a toe
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize