so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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