I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
