btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
