omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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