You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
