I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
