I checked into jail on foursquare
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize