Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm at about main and main street
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
