so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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