I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
