Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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