I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
