I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
