What did we do last night that was yellow?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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