We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
