I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize