When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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