she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
