But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
