Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
