I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
