i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
