Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
