Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
