It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
