if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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