Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
