Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
