I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
