you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
