I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I wish there were birth control emojis
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I supernannyed him into submission
I yelled at your uterus for you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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