Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
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I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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