chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
