I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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