$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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