you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
