Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
