As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
