Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
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