I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
