have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just want nice things and good sex
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize