the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
