i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
