best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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