You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
