New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
