Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest