u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
