does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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