I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He managed to rip my nipple last night....