dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.