Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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