Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
