So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
