The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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