i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
