i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
