Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
