I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
